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Energy is expensive af. Check your latest ConEd bill and tell me how much they charge just to keep the energy running in your house. Miss a payment? Your energy gets shut off – no questions asked. Our energy is valuable and It’s time to assess what we’re gaining in return.

When we allow somebody unabridged access to our energy, we’re only doing a disservice to ourselves. You know exactly who I’m talking about. Your boyfriend, that friend, your cousin, your mother, your coworker – whoever it is in your life, came to mind. 

To start off, let’s think about what energy is. Energy is something that matter has. It is a currency that makes things happen. You are exchanging your energy for something in return; the same exact way you’d exchange your money for a product or experience. Now let me ask you this, what are you getting in return from the energy vampire in your life? I’m going to bet that the answer is not much.

You’ll try and come up with excuses as to why you haven’t cut them off yet, and trust me, I get it – I’ve been there. They’re cool, they’re fun, they’re funny, we have fun together. Unfortunately it always comes down to the negatives outweighing the positive qualities of this person. 

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Energy vampires are insecure. It’s that person that has to bring you down no matter what, the person who wants you to be alone so you can be available to them and only them. The one who feels entitled to your time and energy. 

They are also always blame shifting and never accept accountability for their actions. 

This doesn’t always mean it’s intentional, sometimes it could be unintentional – this is just how they’ve been their whole lives and have never tried to change.

They are constantly criticizing you and everything you do. If you start a new fitness routine they tell you it’s pointless because you’ll “always be big”, they don’t compliment your progress, they mock you for trying to simply be healthier. Think comments like “you won’t be able to stick to not smoking, I know you” or “you were in over your head from the beginning and I told you that”, just to undermine you and make you feel bad about yourself. 

Energy vampires feel entitled to both your time and energy. They believe that because you work from home, or make your own schedule, that you can and should take care of your priorities later on another day – simply so you can have time for them. They are the epitome of the definition of entitlement. 

They’ll also always try and make it seem like you’re the one in the wrong. They have a very one-track mind and are not open about expanding their views. They will also be spiteful and vengeful. They like to constantly argue, have aggressive or passive-aggressive tendencies, resentment and anger issues and might border on narcissistic.

If you leave an interaction feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, mentally and/or physically exhausted – you’re more than likely dealing with an energy vampire.

Energy vampires demand a lot from the people that they target. This constant drain of your resources has long term effects such as anxiety, depression and even heart problems in the future. Now please give me one good reason why risking your health to appease someone else’s impulses and issues is worth it? 

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You have to be able to establish boundaries. This is going to be extremely hard at first – on both ends. They’ve had complete access to you so they won’t know how to deal with you suddenly shutting them out of certain parts of your life. You’re going to have trouble sticking to these boundaries because of your good nature and want to constantly help people.

Don’t forget that boundaries can look different for everyone. For example, for me they look like not giving an explanation to follow up  “I can’t hang out, I’m busy”. If busy to me is laying on my couch by myself and not wanting to do anything then so be it, if busy to me is hanging out with another friend then so be it. It doesn’t make me shady, it doesn’t make me secretive and it doesn’t make me corny. It simply makes me a person with boundaries. 

Accept that you cannot change people, especially energy vampires. This means that you’ll have to modify your expectations of them. Don’t offer them advice when they come to you to vent their issues. More than likely, they are complaining about the same things so you’ll be wasting your breath anyway. 

Don’t allow them to dominate your space. If they call, text or stop by, let them know that you’re unavailable to hang out. “I’m tired” or “I’m busy” will suffice. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. 

This one might sound odd but only offer them stone faced reactions and one word answers. They’ll know that you’re over it and if they’re not receiving the emotional interaction from you that they need, they’ll look elsewhere.

If they cannot respect your boundaries, you have to be absolutely willing to walk away completely. I am a firm believer in don’t say or do anything unless you’re absolutely ready to leave it in the past when no change comes from the other party. 

Remember, it’s not your responsibility to fix anyone. You can try to help guide people along the way but you can’t be faulted for them not following. More often than not they end up alone or find another poor person who’s about to endure a huge lesson in boundaries. Again, this has nothing to do with you. Focus on your own life and water what you want to grow. 

xx,
Cindy